Recently I have been working with the experience of the emotional body; you know, that part of you that feels everything that the mental part of you can so easily rationalize away. I discovered that I had become very good at understanding why I feel something, and therefore not acknowledging the emotional body’s “right” to express itself. Boy, is that a mistake! That emotional body will find a way to have it’s say, let me tell you!
One of the most challenging emotions for me to work with is anger. I logically (and spiritually) know, that acting out in anger is not beneficial for me or anyone else who is involved in whatever situation is causing the anger to arise. So when my emotional body gets triggered by something and I feel the response of anger, I tend to “get logical” about the situation, and I try to skip doing the emotional part. If another person is involved, I go back to them after I have had a chance to come to clarity about what the anger is about, so that we can work through the issue together. This has been quite productive, generally; but what I realized I’ve skipped is the acknowledgment of my emotional body. In fact, I’ve actually denied that part of me the “right” to be part of me. Not really a healthy thing in the long run ;-), as my lower back can attest to.
Recently I have begun working with it differently with anger, and all my emotions. Now, instead of getting logical, I get emotional! I let the anger come up, if I need to cry, I cry; if I need to sit in the anger for awhile, then I let myself. I recognize my emotional body, and give it the time it needs to be that way (sort of like allowing a 2 year old to throw the tantrum, knowing that eventually it’ll calm down, and will let go of whatever it was that caused the upheaval to begin with). What I don’t do is release that emotion on the people around me. I just let it be there, and in the quiet times between being interactive with others, I let myself go into it and explore it.
I was reading the March issue of Body & Soul Magazine today, and I found the following which I thought was very useful for guide for “How To Get Mad”:
“Research shows that both ends of the anger continuum — unchecked ire and self-silencing — can damage your health, contributing to a range of health conditions. Strike a more balanced approach with these tips:
“Take a Step Back: When people or situations anger you, take note of how you react. Do you tend to empathize? Feel depressed or anxious? Start negative self-talk? Raise your awareness before you rush to “make it right” or keep the peace.
“Know When to Walk Away: If you’re in conflict with someone who’s hostile, or if you’re feeling explosive and hostile, leave the interchange immediately. Nothing productive occurs in these exchanges, and they can harm your health.
“Feel What You Feel: When you have time and space, explore the full range of your emotions. If you feel empathy for a person you’re in conflict with, express that. But also express the part of you that feels angry. If you don’t think you feel anger, practice stepping into that feeling, even if it feels like pretending. (If you have experienced a particular emotion for years, it may feel foreign at first.) Writing in a journal is a great way to off-load primal emotions.
“Harness Your Anger: Use the anger to plan your next steps, then set your plan a side and revisit it when you are not angry. You may find that the steps you ultimately take differ from the ones you planned while you were mad; and this is usually for the best. Using anger consciously, rather than as raw fuel (or not at all) generally yields the best results.
“Don’t Explode, but DO Express: If you’re in a significant relationship with a person who angered you, avoid self-silencing. If you have difficulty summoning the courage to speak your mind, start by taking a few deep breaths and meditating or saying a prayer. Start the conversation by letting the person know you care about him or her, and that you need to express some feelings. That will help open the door to honest communication.”
Key to this process, I believe, is that ability to take a “pause” when the anger arises … long enough for us to realize that we’re angry, that something has triggered something within us that needs to be addressed. I find that anger in particular is a signal to me that there is some part of me that feels defensive, attacked, less than, or unworthy, and that’s always a clue for another piece that I need to work with for my own spiritual, emotional, psychological growth. When we use anger (or any other strong negative emotion) as a self-awareness tool, we find that these emotions can lead us to our greatest insights.
So go ahead and get mad; just be conscious and constructive with it!
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